Fear.

      Fear is such a powerful emotion, one that I am sure we all wish and I know I wish I did not have, it is such a waste. Yet it is probably the one that is the most difficult to control. I have experienced many kinds of fear, sometimes phear ;-) In my life. As of recent I have experienced a most peculiar variety of fear, that of change, not just any change but a change I have been fighting and working for, and yet here it is fear of it, I have become used to the monotony of annoyance frustration and sometimes anger, it would almost seem at this point that I have gained some patience although that is unlikely. It frustrates me to no end being out of control of myself and my feelings, especially the negative ones there is no greater waste of emotional energy than using it for fear, hate and anger, Yet I suffer from all of these in varying degrees on a weekly basis. And as for mentioned I am at a turning point in my life one I have striven to achieve for the last 4-5 months of my life and here is that fear eating away at my resolve, at my personal motivation to succeed, and be productive, this is my emotion but in my brain I know that this is foolish I know that if I accomplish my goal that I am so close to that the world will open up before me with new possibilities, opportunities and a chance at the happiness I have been working so hard to obtain, yet there is this lurking fear, fear of change fear of success maybe? Fear that despite all of my efforts nothing will change? Fear of the newness because I have become so acquainted with my current state of limbo of none progress and with out doubt self pity that I am afraid to move to something new to put myself out there that I might fail or even worse succeed. Yes at times I fear success I think we have all felt this. Fear seems rather fickle, it crops up at the most annoying of times. Some have said the only thing to fear is fear itself. Well I do fear fear now I just have a host of other fears to eliminate so that I can properly focus on fear itself.